WORDS: Angie McBride, FIVEaa
Do we really listen? I admittedly did not used to be a great listener. I am the youngest of three children and my voice was constantly shut down in a house full of older and louder siblings. I am fully aware that I still, to this day, repeat myself to ensure I am heard. There are some habits and things we cannot help but bring over from our childhood.
Working in radio has made me a better listener, although some may disagree! Being a radio presenter is pretty much listening to people. It takes effort to listen and focus when there is so much happening in the studio and in life. You can miss what the caller or interviewee is saying in a split second of distraction.
In 2020 a book called You’re Not Listening; What You’re Missing & Why it Matters by American Journalist Kate Murphy landed on my desk. After reading the book I learnt that people really do not listen properly, putting their interpretation on what they think you said. I am sure there are a few instances you can think of where this has happened in your life.
I once said to my friend’s daughter that a certain drink was too sweet. Another day, the same drink came out and she said, “Oh you don’t like sugar” whilst pointing to the drink. My response to her was “No, I said that drink was too sweet”. Two very different things. I don’t like sugar?! Have you not met me? It’s a daily struggle not to eat chocolate all the time.
Not listening properly can put strain on relationships and the outcomes of certain situations. More likely than not, it’s in a negative way. It’s human nature to say what you need to say, but if you are not really listening or open to listening properly; chaos ensues!
Being on the radio, I am regularly being told I said something that I didn’t. I love our listeners, but certain ones have very selective hearing. I understand it’s difficult to pick up every word that’s said on radio when your ears are tuning in and out while doing other things. Multi-tasking is not a good listener’s best friend!
As a society, have we forgotten how to listen? Between scrolling, streaming, commenting, all of these tasks are online. The focus is on devices rather than humans.
According to Kate Murphy, the golden tips to listening are:
1. Listening requires curiosity
“Good listeners seek out what is interesting to people, by being inquisitive in the moment. And when you respond with genuine interest, people noticeably relax, and become more thoughtful in their responses too, leading to a more interesting conversation.”
2. Learn to be comfortable with silence
“Bad listeners interrupt, respond vaguely or illogically, look at their phones or away from the speaker and fidget. Conversational narcissists shift the conversation, directing attention towards themselves. Don’t do those things.”
3. Focus is key
“Don’t worry about what you are going to say while the other person is talking: you are far more likely to miss things and say the wrong thing when it is your turn. It is OK to pause or say, ‘I’d like to think about that’. Just think about why we’re more likely to remember dogs’ names than other people’s – it’s because we’re not distracted by sizing them up or worried about how we’re coming across.”
You’re Not Listening; What You’re Missing & Why it Matters by Kate Murphy is available through Penguin Books. RRP $26.99
My tip for being a good listener is to stop what you are doing. Put the devices down. Grab a cup of tea. Make eye contact with the subject. Listen to what they are saying!
Thanks for listening!
