Listen to this gem… Back in 2010, restaurateur Will Guidara was at his world-famous, Michelin-starred New York restaurant Eleven Madison Park, chatting with customers about their foodie experiences, when one lamented they were yet to grab a classic New York hot dog. Guidara went straight to his kitchen, secretly nicked out to the closest hot dog vendor, bought one, plated it up properly, and served it to the table like it belonged on the menu all along.
That’s a story Guidara tells in his book Unreasonable Hospitality, and it’s become a bit of a north-star for how businesses think about service; and for me, about human interaction. But the line that stuck with me wasn’t about the hot dog. It was this: “Service is black and white. Hospitality is colour.” Service is doing the job competently. Hospitality is making someone feel like they matter, like they are heard.
I think the exact same thing is true of listening.
Hearing vs listening
Hearing someone is service. You’re technically doing your job in the conversation – nodding, waiting your turn, getting the gist. Listening is hospitality. It’s the colour. It’s the difference between someone walking away thinking “yeah, that was a chat” and someone walking away thinking “I felt like they were actually there with me.”
Most of us, most of the time, are only doing the black-and-white version. Half-listening while planning what we’ll say next. Nodding along while checking a notification out of the corner of our eye. Technically present; not really there.
The unreasonable version
So what does “unreasonable listening” look like? It’s small, and deliberate. Putting the phone face down, not just silent. Asking a follow-up question instead of jumping to your own story. Remembering something from last time and bringing it up first – “How was your dog’s surgery?” – before they have to tell you.
None of this costs anything. It doesn’t take more time than the half-hearted version. It just takes intention. Same as remembering someone’s name, which I wrote about last issue: the effort is the message. When you really listen, you’re telling someone they’re worthy of your full attention. In a world constantly asking for half of ours, that’s genuinely rare.
Next time you’re in a conversation, put down whatever’s in your hand, and listen like you’re going to be quizzed on it afterwards. Watch what happens to the conversation. Watch what happens to the person you’re talking to.
Listening to Sharon
I reflected on this recently when chatting with hospitality legend Sharon Romeo from Fino Seppeltsfield and recent Gourmet Traveller Restaurant Personality of the Year. Sharon is known for bringing culture, care and love to her industry, so I was keen to get her take on human interaction.
“Human interaction in the hospo space for me is about giving people the best care, listening to them, over-delivering on their needs, being human. It’s important because we can’t lose the way we communicate with each other. It’s really important to know how we are all feeling, how to listen and solve problems. We just have to keep talking to each other. It’s about looking after someone and making such a difference in their lives. Food is food. But hospitality is more than food; it’s how you feel, and how you make other people feel.”
Sharon’s right – food is food, but hospitality is how you make someone feel. And that’s exactly what unreasonable listening is: not a hot dog served with love, but your full attention given freely. Give it, listen, and watch what it does for the person across from you.
Do you have a story about great human interaction? Let PK know: pk@pksayshi.com.au
Follow PK: @pk.says.hi
Paul Kitching – aka PK – is the Business Development Manager at Fuller and founder of ‘PK Says HI’, a human interaction consultancy built on one belief: in a digitally driven, AI-obsessed world, the simple power of human interaction (HI) is everything. And so… PK Says HI!
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